DEFINITION OF FAMILY & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic violence is any form of abuse, usually between intimate partners and is different from the usual conflict that occurs in relationships. We say a relationship is violent when one partner consistently undermines the other or uses an imbalance of power in the relationship to make the other fearful.

Domestic violence includes the following types of abuse:

Physical violence includes punching, choking, kicking, throwing of objects, injury to pets, and damage to property or the threat of any of these. This includes threatening to hurt the partner, the children, extended family and friends.

Sexual abuse includes forcing or manipulating the partner to engage in sexual activities (e.g. watching pornography, oral sex), and sexual touch that she does not want. Sexual assault within marriage is a criminal act.

Psychological and emotional abuse includes the use of obscenities, threats, insults, and harassment or constant put-downs.  These are actions designed to frighten the victim and sabotage her confidence / self esteem.

Economic (or financial) abuse occurs when one partner assumes total control of the family income and keeps the other short of money and therefore totally dependent financially.

Social abuse includes isolating the partner from family or friends, insulting and humiliating her in public, or imprisoning her within the home.

Inequality is always present in a violent relationship; - a more powerful member of the family trying to control a less powerful member.

WHAT DOES WARATAH’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SERVICE PROVIDE?
The Waratah domestic violence service is Free and Confidential. We offer professional counselling, support and education in a safe and supportive environment to women and children whose lives have been affected by domestic violence.  Waratah recognises that domestic violence affects many people.  While the primary victims of violence in the home are generally women and children, it can also affect the extended family, friends and the wider community.   We therefore provide counselling and information for victims of abuse and their families, and education to secondary and tertiary institutions.

Our service caters for women who are still living with an abusive partner or have left a domestic violence relationship. Counselling can be helpful for women who have been abused in the recent or distant past, as well as for women who are trying to live as safely as they can in an abusive relationship. (See: “effects of domestic violence on women” and “safety and staying in an abusive relationship”)

We do not see perpetrators of domestic violence as our primary concern is to provide victims of domestic violence a place where they can feel safe, and trust that their confidentiality is respected

WHO ARE THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELLORS?
Waratah’s domestic violence counsellors are accredited and have specialist training and expertise in this field.

WHO CAN ATTEND WARATAH? 
Anyone who has directly or indirectly been the victim of domestic violence can receive our services.

HOW CAN I ACCESS WARATAH’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SERVICE?
Waratah operates Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm in Bunbury and every 2nd Tuesday in Busselton.

We Offer:

• face-face counselling,
• telephone counselling is also available for people living outside the Bunbury area in the South West Region
• You can ring to make an appointment with a domestic violence counsellor for either face-face or telephone counselling on (08) 9791 2884 or free call 1800 199 008. If you use the free call number the call will not appear on your telephone bill in the interests of your privacy. 
• When you ring for an appointment our administrative staff will give you directions to our centre. Please allow one and a half hours for the initial session and one hour for follow up sessions. The number of sessions you have is up to the discretion of your counsellor in collaboration with you.
• Unfortunately child care cannot be provided on site, we would therefore encourage clients to make alternative arrangements for their children when attending counselling.
• Please contact Waratah if any Community schools are in need of education around domestic violence.
  

WILL I BE EXPECTED TO LEAVE MY RELATIONSHIP?
Absolutely not!!! Counselling at Waratah is about assisting you to identify strategies that will empower you and help you to find your own solutions to the situation. Our job is to support you in the directions you want to go, not to make decisions for you. Whether you are choosing to stay in your relationship or leave your relationship, it is likely you will be dealing with issues such as identity and self-concept, self-esteem, loss and grief, isolation and loneliness, anger or self-blame.  Counselling can assist you to rebuild a healthier sense of self, identify what it is you want, and empower you to make decisions that are in your own best interests. We are concerned for your emotional and physical safety and work with you towards that end. See: ‘Why Women Stay in an Abusive Relationship’.

WARATAH’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STAFF ARE COMMITTED TO:

• Making Waratah a safe place for all women.
• Providing a service that is private and confidential.
• Providing a service that is free of charge
• Providing counselling and support in ways that are appropriate for you and/or your family which is sensitive to your needs.
• Working with you in ways that acknowledge your experiences and needs are similar to, and different from others.
• Working with you in ways that acknowledge that you may be struggling with your rights as an individual and your responsibilities to family and culture.
• Working against stereotypes or generalisations about you and your family based on your cultural or religious background.
• Respecting your right to choose whether you stay in your relationship or leave it
• Linking you and/or your family to resources and services that may be unfamiliar or difficult to access

CAN I GET INFORMATION ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WITHOUT HAVING TO SEE A COUNSELLOR?
If you phone or email us with your request we can send you fact sheets on domestic violence at no cost. If you come in to the centre and register with us you can access our library. Books can be borrowed with a $10 deposit, which will be returned to you once the item is returned.  There is also a lot of information about domestic violence on the web.

EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON WOMEN
Women in abusive relationships experience a steady degradation of their emotional and physical wellbeing.

Women report the following effects:

• They are fearful and nervous much of the time, even when their partner is not abusing them.  Often they think they are mad.
• They gradually lose their sense of self. 
• They have no identity apart from their partner and his expectations of them.
• They lose faith in themselves and their abilities. 
• They mistrust their own feelings and decisions. 
• They feel incompetent.
• They have very low self-esteem.
• They feel inadequate in the world and inferior to others.        
• They feel ashamed that they are the targets of abuse and confused about why it is happening. 
• They begin to believe their partner when he tells them the abuse is their fault. 
• Often they learn to blame themselves.
• They feel lonely and isolated from others. 
• They find it hard to maintain relationships with friends and family and they are uncomfortable inviting others into their home.
• They begin to mistrust other people and fear others will hurt or betray them as their partner has done. 
• They spend increasing amounts of time trying to avoid 'causing' an outburst of anger or abuse.
• They feel they are walking on eggshells.
• They spend considerable time covering up the abuse because they are frightened or ashamed.
• They become withdrawn and secretive.
• They often develop mental or physical illness including headaches, bowel and stomach problems, depression, anxiety and fatigue
• Their worlds become smaller and smaller as they become more and more dependent on the abuser. 

SAFETY PLANNING FOR WOMEN WHO ARE STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP
HELPFUL HINTS:

• Find a person or place where you are safe. Somewhere you can leave emergency money, keys and clothes. Somewhere you can take refuge if the violence escalates.
• Keep the original and copies of important documents somewhere where you can easily access them but your partner cannot e.g. birth certificates, passports, house deeds, bank account details, health insurance, immigration papers and other personal records. 
• Keep important phone numbers with you. Always have a mobile phone or have change for a phone call.
• Develop a codeword to signal to family and friends that you are in danger.
• Tell as many people as you trust that you are afraid of your partner. Ask them if they see or hear anything happen, or they think you may be in danger, to call the police. People to tell include your neighbours, family/friends, people at work, your children’s teachers, local police.
• Keep a journal of all violent episodes. Ask for documentation from doctors about your injuries.
• Plan escape routes from places such as home and work.  Keep car keys with you or money for a taxi.
• Take notice of tension building in your home. If you are afraid your partner is becoming angry or drunk leave the house and take shelter with friends/family or at the nearest women's Refuge.
• During an argument avoid rooms that have no easy exits or rooms where there may be weapons.
• If your partner is verbally abusing you use "blocking" techniques e.g. sing to yourself in your head, imagine your partner's head is a pumpkin.
• Keep up contact with friends and involve yourself in community activities. This will help you maintain self-esteem and prevent feelings of loneliness and invisibility.  Contact with your community will provide you with social support and a chance to do some reality testing with others. 
• Choose an email account password that your partner won't be able to guess so he won't be able to read your mail. If you are accessing domestic violence services on the Internet, use a computer at a local library, a friend's house, or at work. Use Waratah's free call number 1800 199 008 as calls from this number will not appear on your phone bill.
  

SAFETY PLANNING FOR WOMEN WHO ARE LEAVING A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  RELATIONSHIP

• Do not trust what your partner tells you about your legal rights. Abusive men often use threats around custody, property and immigration to stop their partners leaving. Find out for yourself what your rights are and Seek support from the health, accommodation, legal and financial aid services in your area. (some Law firms will give you a 20 minute free consultation if you ask beforehand)
• If your partner is threatening you or you think he might hurt you, go to your local police or courthouse to get a violence restraining order (VRO).  If your partner continues to harass you, report all breaches of the order to the police.
• Tell as many people as you trust that you are leaving the relationship.  Ask them to keep an eye out for your partner and to call the police if they think you may be in danger. 
• Avoid places where your partner may be, or where he might go to look for you.  Change your schedule.
• If there are children involved, tell their school or day care the names of the people who have permission to pick up the children.  Also, teach the children who to call and how to call for help if they are taken or are in danger.
• If you must meet with your partner, do not meet him at home or in isolated places.  Choose a public location and make sure friends or family are around.
• Screen calls and/or change your phone number to an unlisted number.  Do not return his calls.  He might interpret this as encouragement. 
• Make your home secure.  Lock windows and doors.  Install security screens.

Personal alarms can be purchased from army disposal stores. These are small devices you carry around in your pocket or bag. They will scare off your partner and alert others in the vicinity of a problem.

WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Women in domestic violence relationships are victims of crime. They do not consent to abuse in their relationships and should not be made to feel responsible for their partner’s violence. Some people in communities can make a woman feel guilty or ashamed for staying in her relationship which is known as secondary victimisation and adds greater pressure to the person. Many things can trap a woman in an abusive relationship. The reasons some women stay with abusive partners include:

• They FEAR how the perpetrator will react if they leave.  They are afraid he will stalk, assault or even kill them or their children.  Their partner may have threatened to commit suicide if they leave.
• They are economically dependent on their partner and have no means of supporting themselves or their children. They do not have any money to leave with, e.g. for a bond etc. Often women have not had the opportunity to develop work skills or no longer have the confidence to work outside the home.
• They are isolated from others.  Women can find it hard establishing support networks because of low self-esteem and fear of reprisals from their partner.
• They are fearful about the reactions of others.  Often women in abusive relationships are blamed or judged or not believed at all.
• They are not aware of their rights under the law. Abusive men will often use the legal system as a threat.  They deceive women into believing they can take away their children or their property or their visas.
• They are fearful of the court processes around restraining orders, custody and access arrangements, division of property and separation/divorce.  The legal system can be intimidating and time consuming.  It can also be expensive.
• They are under pressure from family and community not to leave the relationship or break up the family.
• They have cultural or religious beliefs that will be violated if they leave the relationship.
• Their partner has convinced them, that they cannot cope without him, that they are worthless and no one else will care for them.
• Their partner has convinced them that they are to blame for the abuse and everything would be fine if they tried harder.
• They LOVE their partner AND WANT THE RELATIONSHIP TO WORK.  They believe their partner’s promises to change.  They believe the abuse will stop.
• In extreme cases, women simply lose the will to live.  They are so demoralised by the abuse they shut down emotionally and don’t care whether their partner kills them or not.